The images left imprinted upon my mind were too horrible to revisit, so for years, I ran from my grief and suffering. After seven long years of shock, denial, depression, anger, and guilt, I became a mere existence of myself. I had no idea who I was anymore and something had to change; me.
I had to shed my cloak of grief, by facing my fears head on. I knew I could never face them alone. The Lord walked hand in hand with me, through the darkest pits and depths of my hell. I saw through His eyes the grief and torment of our tragedy, as I held on tightly. We cried together, and he comforted me, never letting go of me.
First I learned to surrender the grief. I questioned myself in absolute doubt. Could I let go of the control I was clinging to in order to survive?
I surrendered and Christ set me free. An indescribable freedom. Nightmares – Depression – Hopelessness – GONE. I was standing in the ultimate glory of God. Wrapped in an unfathomable peace.
Then learning how to Forgive. Was I willing to walk the journey to discover my freedom? I hungered for freedom.
I can honestly tell you, it was worth slogging through the obstacles, the hurdles, the depths, the valleys, the ball and chains that weighed me down again and again was worth the passage.
Many times the Lord showed me who Paul was through His eyes. Finally, I spoke the words, “ Lord, I forgive Paul. I forgive him.” A freedom my mere words could not do justice. I am healed. I am free. I’m no longer in bondage.
We can’t change yesterday, but we can change tomorrow.
January 29, 1999, I fell in to the Lords arms, a grieving mother. January 29, 2008 I lunged into His arms, a mother set free.
Our HOPE is that by sharing our story, chains of bondage are broken and the captives are set free.
“It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven.”
~ C.S. Lewis